THE CHURCH OF THE STAB

Code of Conduct for the Wayward, the Wobbly, and the Warlike

Welcome traveler, you stand upon holy ground. This is not a dojo, this is not a gym. This is a mildly haunted church of controlled violence where we sweat, swear, and sometimes discover inner peace by hitting our friends with sticks. Here we sharpen skill and blunt stupidity. Here respect is mandatory, deodorant is encouraged, and politics are banned unless Fiore himself crawls out of the grave to correct your footwork.

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CODE OF CONDUCT

1. No politics except Fiore vs Meyer. That is the only hill we die on. Everything else stays outside: your party, your grievances, your hot takes. The only debate allowed here ends with someone yelling Zornhau and probably limping home.

2. No drama, no bigotry, no whining. We stab equally. The blade does not discriminate, it only punishes bad timing. Bring respect or get escorted out by someone who has been waiting all week for cardio.

3. No religion. The only god here is our blessed lord of stabs and whacks. Stabby be thy name. Thy edge be sharp, thy guards be tight, thy strikes land true. Deliver us from sloppy parries, amen.

4. We are here to learn to stab each other better. Not to talk about your ex, your boss, or your online crusades. Save it for your blog, your therapist, or the void. The void listens. We do not.

5. Respect your partners. We hit each other for fun not for therapy. Control your blade or we will hand you a pool noodle and a lesson in humility. You break gear, you fix it. You bleed on the mat, you mop it up before someone sues us.

6. Do not touch someone’s weapon without permission. It is not just a sword. It is their child, their soulmate, and probably their favorite tax deduction.

7. Do not swing unless told to. You are not the main character. Wait for the cue or we will use you as the demo dummy for disarms.

8. No cowardice, no arrogance. Fear is fine; pride is temporary. If you are scared… welcome. If you are cocky… we will fix that by Wednesday.

9. Show up, train hard, help others. If you are late, bring coffee. If you are hungover, hydrate and pray. If you are dead, send a note.

10. The measure of a fighter is not how hard they hit. It is how well they apologize afterward.